When you realize your child isn't perfect.

The pain of realizing your child isn't perfect is surprising.  It caught me off guard.

BIG TIME.

After all, my child is a reflection of me.  My parenting and coping skills.  My discipline.  I'm immediately judged by others on how my child acts. 

When I see my child doing things they shouldn't (hitting another kid, laughing when disciplined) I feel my face grow hot and my anxiety bubble over.  I feel like yelling at everyone looking at me "No!  She's really a good kid!  She's just having a hard time adjusting to her baby brother and this is how she shows it!  I'm a good mom, really!"

God really has a way of sanctifying us through relationships, doesn't he?  When I finally get home, sit down and think about the days events, I quickly realize that I am having a hard time with my child's imperfections because I have such a hard time with mine.  I do my best to hide my flaws.  I try my hardest to be successful.  But, only with God's grace is that ever going to be possible.  Will I ever reach perfection?  No.  Will I ever be okay with that?  That is my prayer and hope.  Because if I'm not okay with my flaws and failures it means that I haven't fully given my life over to Christ.  I am still trying to do it on my own.  Trying to prove my independence and ability to take care of myself. 

Do I want to teach my children that they need God?  Yes!  But, God showed me today that I need to start with myself.  Admit that I need him to accomplish anything.  That I need him to make it through these tough toddler years.  And that I need him to help me worry less about what others think and more about how I can give him glory.

Being a mom is so much more than changing diapers, figuring out meal plans, and keeping the kids alive (although these are important, especially the latter!).  It's about coming to the end of yourself, falling at Christ's feet, and asking him for direction and guidance.  If we don't do that, we are only going to drive ourselves crazy with the expectations the world has put on us.  In the end, I know that God's is going to be the only opinion that matters and I'm grateful for that.